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Things they learn from their patients

2006-02-06 16:24:51.688877+00 by ziffle 2 comments


Adventures in the ER:

"The Law of Inverse Value: the less you contribute to society, the greater the trauma you can sustain with minimal to no physical sequelae, including falls from 3 stories, stabbings (chest, neck, head, slashings to the face), gunshot wounds (chest, neck, pelvis, leg, traumatic arrest (only to be killed 7 years later in a separate GSW incident)), and high speed MVC's, unrestrained, where multiple people in the other vehicle are killed."

"No matter how badly constipated you are, a vodka enema is not a good idea."

"Oh if you come in with a salsa jar in your rectum, don't give the staff a fruit cake as a thank you present."

"When attempting a self-circumcision do not use dry ice to numb the area... and when the dry ice sticks to the... a.... area, do not attempt to remove the ice with boiling water."

If your dentures do not stick to your gums, probably not a good idea to superglue them on!

Ahhhh Mayberry is so -- 'sane'.


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comments in ascending chronological order (reverse):

#Comment Re: made: 2006-02-06 17:06:34.414158+00 by: other_todd

I read that WHOLE thread a couple of days ago when someone else (I think maybe a Nielsen Hayden) linked it. All thirtysome pages of it. It was a great compliment to a book I had already read, The Knife And Gun Club, and one which I plan to be reading real soon, Emergency! True Stories From the Nation's ERs. Fortunately I have a strong stomach. It's nice to be reminded that, as unimpressed as I am with doctors and the state of medicine in this country in general, the caliber of average patient is not always very impressive either.

#Comment Re: made: 2006-02-07 14:06:02.839051+00 by: meuon [edit history]

I'd love to say these things are a fabrication or exaggerated, but having worked in hospitals for many many years, I know better. When working 2nd or 3rd shift and bored, all it took was a quick trip through the ER or Trauma units for a little idiotic (and sometimes fatal) drama. Favorite ER's: Cook County Hospital, Chicago and All Saints Episcopal, Ft. Worth TX. - PCP (Pre-Meth/Crack) was "the" stuff of the time, and the crazies were REALLY crazy.

Oh.. and one night working on a CT Scanner in Whitwell TN when they brought in the body bag, the head in a bucket (post double-barrel 12 gauge at point blank range), and the whole parking lot was full of rednecks and guns seeking revenge.

Did you see the scoring system: Teeth/Tattoos = Score - Laughing my ass off.