Flutterby™! : Energetic Matrix Church

Giggle. From some source or another, Charlene stumbled across The Energetic Matrix Church of Consciousness, LLC, EMC2 program, and for giggles she asked for their additional free literature. It's hilarious:

Here's how it works: A huge bank of computers sends about five hundred thousand subtle energy balancing frequencies to metal trays that hold the photographs of AIM program participants, which act as stand-ins for their bodily presence, and the energy is transmitted directly to the participants, no matter where they are at the time. ...

Damn. Does my cell phone company know about this? Because it'd be really cool if I could get coverage via those half a million frequencies, and if they can send it anywhere from just one location near Las Vegas, that'd make infrastructure build-out way cheaper.

And it just gets funnier. They'll cover you for a grand, for two grand they'll throw in your family and pets.