Flutterby™! : Ten ways to be a lover

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Ten ways to be a lover

2003-05-06 16:01:50.181297+00 by Dan Lyke 6 comments

Ten ways to be a lover: Lessons on romance and sex from romance novels. Much more concise than Halley's Alpha Male lessons, and frankly probably a little more likely to lead to a lasting meaningful relationship.

[ related topics: Humor Books Sexual Culture ]

comments in ascending chronological order (reverse):

#Comment made: 2003-05-06 17:46:04.04058+00 by: Diane Reese [edit history]

I sheepishly confess to having never read a romance novel (at least, never one that characterized itself as such; probably some of the fiction I've read in my life might pass for "close enough"). So I read through Terrell's list with great interest, trying to figure how much of it might apply to me. Other than a few little details throughout the list (heck, *I* love it when my lovers have thick heads of hair that *I* can run my fingers through... but I also love it when the wisps of soft, remaining hair curl around my nose and smell earthy and warm -- I have this thing with smell...), I was captivated by:

And now the number one way to woo a woman is:
1. Be articulate. Declare yourself.
These guys talk up a storm. In bed, out of bed, and all around the town. They tell the lady she's beautiful. They declare their intention to romance her whether she likes it or not. They whisper erotic sweet nothings in the midst of sex, in full sentences, and without using a single dirty word. Most of the rest of us clods find it hard to summon more than heavy breathing and a gratified grunt under those circumstances.

Y'know what? That would be my complete fantasy guy. I've never had a lover who was articulate like that (which I mentally equate to the way *I* am), and the idea really turns me on. Oh sure, brilliant and smart and witty and chatty guys, sure, but not in the way he describes above. It's mostly the grunt thing goin' on there. For that little item alone, I might start reading these books...

#Comment made: 2003-05-07 16:44:07.43063+00 by: meuon [edit history]

Well so far the bald thing works well for me.. :) - The articulate part is interesting, I've had several women tell me that because I listen, and pay sincere attention to them that they are put at ease and are sometimes even aroused. I learned a long time ago that 'intimacy' to a woman is talking and sharing. But 'cutsy baby talk' just does not do it for me, or the women in my life. They like it direct, sincere, real, without unnecessary detail or frills, with actions to back it up. Another lesson, (Thanks Cherene aka RealKitty) after a trip testing expensive perfume/cologne with her.. the right cologne makes a big difference.

#Comment made: 2003-05-07 18:11:04.672098+00 by: Dan Lyke

So meuon, did it end up being Old Spice? There's an other Flutterby entry on scent and attraction that seems appropriate, and I thought I remembered linking to a study on how "the pill" reversed some set of pheremones that were thought to be linked to attraction, so that there'd be some women whose scent I'd find attractive when they were on birth control pills that I wouldn't when they were off, and vice-versa. But I can't find that entry right now.

Diane, I find that romance novels are fun. Yes, the plots are predictable. Yes, the women are sometimes ditsy. But between a quick read through a romance novel and sitting through any sitcom I've been aware of in the past 5 years or so, I'm all over the Sandra Brown.

I was hoping to find a way to work some inarticulate grunts in here, but it's just not coming easily.

#Comment made: 2003-05-07 19:28:28.321158+00 by: meuon [edit history]

Cherene helped me pick out a couple, 'Wings' by Giorgio for casual..Hugo is OK. and I'm not giving away the secrets.. I will say I've been out dancing with woman who have hugged me, just to inhale deeply and compliment.. She taught me a lot, like sniffing coffee beans in between to clear your 'palatte' (Any good perfume counter has them in a little bowl, crushed.. just for the discriminating). And Old Spice only gets you girls that want to date their daddy... And yes, good perfumes work WITH you.. and everyone is different. It took a few try's to find the 'I just want to lick you all over' scent for me.. you have to wait 5-20 minutes for it to 'work in' as well. Grab a female friend with a good nose and go shopping, it was a blast with Cherene. (note: Cherene just announced she's engaged to David, a successful, intelligent, competent, conversant, guy who wooed her heavily, and also smells good).

#Comment made: 2003-05-07 19:38:44.114908+00 by: Diane Reese

Hey meuon, those old stereotypes are just that. *I* LOVE the smell of Old Spice and would be all over you with that one. And I definitely do NOT want to date my daddy, and never have. Smell is a funny thing...

#Comment made: 2003-05-08 22:48:49.84151+00 by: RealKitty

Thanks Meuon for the kudos! I enjoyed that trip as well. Of course, it's good to know that lessons were learned and they have payed off for you! David will appreciate that vote of confidence by the way! Keep your "palatte" clear and pay attention to those women's reactions to different scents. I think you've figured it out though. Oh, and David said if you haven't already watched Mel Gibson in "What Women Want" you might want to. LOL! Very funny movie and I must say some of the sensitive stuff he learns reminds me of my David. BIG SMILE!