Flutterby™! : queer for a vanilla het monogamous butch guy

Just copied over for safe-keeping from a Facebook thread, in which I observed that "I'm pretty queer for a vanilla het monogamous butch guy...", and I've been working on clarifying that statement in a couple of contexts, so a few comments down I wrote:

When I square dance call, especially for gay clubs, I will often wear my "Gay Caller's Association" badge, and have gotten into several conversations of "so... you're clearly straight, why is that your chosen affiliation?", and that's led to a bunch of thinking and discussion on why sexuality and gender identity matter and why they don't.

And I guess I'm kind of coming to something along the lines of "unless we're going to get naked and intimate together, none of those things really *should* matter, and my sexuality involves a level of closeness that I really don't have the bandwidth to maintain with more than one person at a time. So if sex is off the table, then it's kind of my responsibility as an ally to muck with people's expectations around sexuality and gender."