Flutterby™! : Hella Stoked

California Is Hella Stoked It’s Not Mississippi.

Ted Cruz threatens that if Beto O’Rourke wins their Senate race, Texas will turn into California. Politicians routinely pander to crowds of extras from Deliverance, disparaging the Golden State to garner raucous applause from people who’ve literally never left Mississippi. The President of All Fifty United States, Which Includes California At Last Check, tweets all the damn time about what a festering shithole it is.

While California provides a distant, easy-to-mock effigy to burn, the facts tell a hella different story. The United States would be light years ahead of where it is today if it could borrow a tenth of California’s ingenuity, spirit, forward-thinking, and good fortune. Of course, if you’re elbow deep in the shiny new nacho cheese fountain at the Golden Corral in Fucklesburg, West Virginia², you probably (a) don’t read my blog, and (b) won’t believe anything that challenges John Denver’s ill-advised assertion that your state is “Almost Heaven.”