Flutterby™! : Another KBYG down

Another Know Before You Grow forum done, I think this one went well, but this, and getting back to square dance calling, has me introspecting. I've gotten out of the practice of square dance calling, and I'm feeling overwhelmed with the amount of email I've been processing of late, so in the day or two, and especially hour or two, before I get behind the mic, I start to get the jitters: did I do enough to prepare? Are my notes in order? Is the gear all set up correctly?

Then we're on, and it all flows, and I have the feedback from the floor, or the nodding faces (and occasional DM accolade) on Zoom, and I ride that dopamine high...

...and then it's over. And I coil up the cables, or wait for the video to finish processing, and I'm alone with my thoughts. Mashing reload on my email to see if there's any post-forum feedback. Dawdling while dragging my sound gear out to the car to prolong the conversations while everyone's just trying to clean up the venue and go home...

And I get why so many performers die young or self-destruct. I mean, I'm just an introvert who hides behind a mic, and I don't claim any particular talent, and it's not a huge thing, but that cycle up and down is there, the jitters, the rush, the crash, and it's real.